Saturday, 29 April 2017

The Not-Mice

They live in the dark cupboards, the cracks between the walls, and under your bed. They eat your food, and you don't see them. Your cat dies after catching a mouse, and you never suspect it might have been poisoned.

Your children complain of small hands skittering over them at night, and you dismiss it as the foolish thoughts of a child.

They come for you in the middle of the night, with poisoned needles and feral grins, and you finally believe.

 
Cinderella 1950, courtesy of Disney
"No! It's my turn to stab them!"

Nobody knows where the not-mice game from, nobody knows what they want. Anyone who tries to determine their inscrutable goals is found dead soon after.

They are susceptible to the same weaknesses as normal mice, but are far more cunning. Your cat may need to have a protective spell cast on it. They must see you eat the cheese you poisoned before they trust it. Mousetraps must be cleverly disguised.

They are evil and cunning incarnate.

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Embraced and Vihe

Three hundred years ago, a colony of miners vanished off the face of the earth.

Their superiors chalked it up as a tunnel collapse, and sent more men in. They vanished as well.

A third time they sent men in, and they too vanished. The project was abandoned, the mines considered cursed, and the tunnels sealed. Everyone forgot about the incident.

But, a decade later, people in a nearby town swore they began to hear knocking underground, in their basements, in their homes. The sound of digging, and yelling down below. As though the miners were still alive and sane, ten years after being buried.

Priests were called, priests of the True god to perform exorcisms, priests of Gothos to set the angry dead to rest, and even a priest of the Drowned god was contacted, in an attempt to flood the mine. But nothing worked. All who tried to go down disappeared, and all who stayed on the surface were useless.

On night, a pickax, rotten and rusted, burst through the town's square.

People saw friends, family, all the lost miners, flood from the hole, along with everyone else who had ventured into the caverns. They were warped, changed, and disfigured. Fungus-like growths crept from their eyes, their spines, and their orifices. The guardsmen readied arms against their once-friends, their once-family, prepared for battle.

But the fight never came.

EmphasisMine, Clicker Nouveau 
Like this, with eyes
 
The humans faced their fungal opponents with weapons drawn and faces grim, and were assaulted with smiles of recognition and laughter, as they were overwhelmed. Still, they prepared themselves for death as the guards were grabbed and restrained.

But the fungal being's intentions were not to kill, but to hug.

After much screaming and crying, with the fungal beings attempting to comfort their long-lost friends and family, they were given a chance to explain.


They called themselves 'the Embraced.' They spoke of an enormous cavern, full of luminescent mushrooms and strange creatures, far beneath the earth. And living in the middle of that cavern was a mass of fungus, spraying spores in every which way.

The fungus spoke to them, apologizing, saying it regretting luring them down here. But, it was lonely, and wanted company. It needed someone to be it's companion.

Lots were drawn, and a young girl, one made the equivalent of a slave for the other miners, was thrust forward, crying and screaming. She was drawn into the fungal mass, gently, but with enormous force.

The effect was immediate. The fungus's entire personality changed, becoming childlike, friendly, and very curious. It was now a near-perfect copy of the young girl. It introduced itself as 'Vihe.'

It spoke to the miners. The Embraced refused to speak of it's exact words, but what is known is that by the end of it's speech, each and every one of the miners walked willingly, with no magical coercion or threatening, into the fungus.

But instead of being absorbed, they were changed. Spores implanted in their bodies, in their brains, and took hold. Each of them had the mind of this new being riding backseat, speaking to them.

They could speak to each other, to the fungus around them, and were connected to the world. They wept with happiness, for they knew this was where they belonged in life.

And so, the first of the Embraced were born.

Jason Levesque, 'Musroom Girl', found on google images
It took over a century for the world to get over their presence. They were effectively telepathic plant-people, all connected to a hive mind being controlled by a seven-year-old. It was hard to get used to.

Many empires and cities wanted them as soldiers. They were big, strong, could speak silently, and had the confidence of a youth. They were convicted by nobles, experimented on by mages, and shunned by the common folk. But they continued on their way in the world, the same as anyone else. They became fishermen, bartenders, farmers, and tradesmen. And they took the downtrodden, beggars, serfs, slaves, and sent them in Vihe's direction.

And so, over decades, the Embraced ranks grew, and grew, and grew further still. Their numbers are still small, and so little of them actually wield any real power, but they are all family.

Many noble families have made it a crime punishable by disowning to become an Embraced.


Vihe still resides in her underground cavern, beneath that nameless town. She is visited by all who are willing to give up their identity in order to become something more. Something that many think is better.

Although Embraced can be (and often are) sad, they are never depressed or crushed enough to commit suicide. If Vihe had been almost anyone else, the Embraced could never have been. But, due to a combination of single-mindedness, curiosity, and childlike joy, the Embraced are never sad for long. They see too much beauty in the world for anything to be really bad.

Embraced are universally curious, and optimistic. Vihe, if you get a chance to speak with her, is much the same, except in the body of a giant mushroom.

They eat food, like people. It's like a mushroom growing off of a living tree, or a baby inside a pregnant woman. It gets some of it's own nutrients, but it also draws a lot from the tree or person itself.

The Embraced fungus is a parasite of sorts. It can't actually survive on it's own (although that is not set in stone, I have some interesting ideas for fungus golems).

A starving Embraced might even be able to eat the fungus growing off of them, if they were really desperate. Most wouldn't try. They are a race of optimists, so most of them would just hold out the hope that they were getting help soon instead of tearing out chunks of hive-brain.

Otherwise, they would actually have to eat a bit more than a regular person, to account for both them and the fungus.

There has only been one time in history when the Embraced have rallied as a race, and not just as individuals. This was known as 'the Tide War.'

The Tide War
The Tide War began when a desert queen, now called Feena the foolish, decided the sight of Embraced was too much for her to bear, and the world would be better off without them. She rose an army, and set out to destroy Vihe.

The fungal goddess's response was quick, brutal, and final. Every Embraced, from all around the continent, mobilized. They set out, saying their goodbyes, and headed towards Vihe's cave. Many of them brought allies as well. Farmers brought beasts of war, merchants brought mercenaries, and city folk brought families.

The hired folk managed a proper assault on Feena's forces, but the attack of the Embraced was described as 'like the Tide.' Unstoppable. Men, women, and children hurling themselves soundlessly into their enemies, fighting until their bodies simply stopped working. Vihe had taken direct control of them, erasing all pain and fear from their minds.

Many protested her brutality, but not the surviving Embraced. they were silent on the matter, except to relay her words to any who asked.

"I had a choice. I could let Feena's army kill me, and then let the Embraced die off. Or, I could sacrifice a few willing Embraced to save us all. I do not like what I did, but I needed to do it."

Many have tried to argue, but she protects her belief with the stubbornness of a child. Her and the Embraced are alive, and to her, that is all that matters. Family.

 

Thursday, 16 March 2017

d20 Weird Whales

Whales are weird

Like, really really weird.

They are alien creatures, closer related to humans than to the fish they so resemble. They breath air but live in water. They have a single nostril on top of their heads that they seal off so they don't accidentally kill themselves while going about their daily business. They eat shrimp smaller than any part of their bodies. They sing underwater when they want to mate.

Hang onto your skirts, because whales are a whole lot weirder than that if you add magic into the mix.

But First, an Explanation
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, when the creatures of the world were being created, someone threw a pair of baby seals into an ocean, and that ocean just so happened to be a magical hotspot. Not much is known about exactly what happened to the seals, but suffice to say, it was dramatic, probably explosive, and created whales as we know them.

Continued exposure to the magic over thousands of years has warped whales, particularly whale oil, into a strange, magic-infused mess. Whale oil itself fetches oodles of money (oodles=1000 silver/ton, or 2000-3000 silver per whale).

Whale hunting is a common and dangerous profession. Those who practice it either make their fortune, or die trying.

Typical whale hunting gear involves nets, harpoons, and at least 1 mage.

Whales are bloody weird. Whenever you see a whale, roll on the following table.

What, you thought I would have a post about magic whales
and not include some way for them to fly?

Roll 1d20

  1. The whale can fly at the same speed it can swim.
  2. The whale can swim through land. Only land though, buildings will be crushed against it.
  3. A permanent storm follows the whale, as strong as a hurricane.
  4. The whale is over three times the size any self-respecting creature has the right to be.
  5. The whale is godlike is size. Stats: good luck. At this point, you aren't picking a fight with an animal, or even a monster. You're fighting a mountain, or a medium-sized island.
  6. The whale has a volcano coming out of it's back. The water near the whale is boiling hot, and a dragon lives there.
  7. The whale operates on a slightly different timeline than everyone else. Every attack against it deals 1d10% of it's maximum health, while any non-damaging effect makes it's hit points 1d100% of it's maximum health (this can make it heal health or take damage). It's attacks are made from paradoxes, and mean that you are both hit and not hit at the same time. The attacks have a 75% chance to deal damage, a 24% chance to heal you, and a 1% chance to instantly heal you.
  8. Absorbs people into it's body. Any creature it touches fuses with the outside of it's body if they  and their nervous systems fuse together. It has 1d4 creatures from your random encounter table already there, and can call on their knowledge
  9. Smart. The whale has an intelligence comparable to a human.
  10. Fast. The whale can swim at twice the normal speed, and jump 3x as high.
  11. Lucky. The whale is being chased by a small army. It hasn't noticed.
  12. Cult. A cult follows the whale. It has 1d20 barbarians following it around on boats, who will die for it if need be. If it has 1 cultist, the cultist is a very confused fisherman named Billy, who doesn't remember anything. 2 cultists mean Billy is joined by his equally confused wife.
  13. Acidic. The whale leaks acid into the surrounding water. When it swims it leaves a trail of death behind it.
  14. Invisible. The whale is invisible. Drinking it's oil will turn your innards and blood permanently invisible, and lamps that burn the oil shed an ambient light with no discernible source. PC's may be able to smear themselves with blood to turn invisible.
  15. The whale is being ridden by a wizard named Shukila the Mad, who can only cast charm spells.
  16. The whale is undead. 50% chance of having a necromancer and 2d10 zombies inside.
  17. The whale is eldritch and alien to look at (it might look a little like a bear).
  18. The whale is hairy and coloured ice-blue. It turns anyone it touches into ice. Lamps made from it's oil burn cold.
  19.  The whale is nearly indestructible. It has 1,000,000 hit points.
  20. The whale is Beeooooouuuuuuuaaaaaaaa, the god of whales. He has intelligence as a human, and all normal god abilities.
 
Populate this with rat-monkies or some shit like that.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

Undead Whales and Pirate Necromancers

"I bin trawlin' these waters since I was a wee little scamp, even younger than you, ya grimy landlubber. I thought that nothin' could shock me. Why not? I mean, I seen it all. Eldritch horrors, tentacles coming up from the deep, and fish that could swallow a man whole. I seen a clam as big as an island, with a pearl inside it that glowed bright as the sun. I bin to an island full o' monkies that swam and hunted seals. But I ain't never seen something like that before."

"It was on us like jus' another wave, we din' even see it comin.' The ocean rose up, and a shape crashed into the hull. We looked over the side, and it was a whale. An undead whale, bone showing through in places, and it's eyes were rotting out -o- it's head. Flesh hung off of it like tattered sails of some ghost ship."

"The beast opened it's mouth, and undead charged from it's belly, all shoutin' and screamin' wit' no lungs to draw breath. I suppose inside that monster, they could jus' sit still, waitin' fer it to find their prey for 'em. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was what came after. A man, a normal lookin' man, with robes like a mage. He pointed out a few of our men, includin' the captain and the undead dragged em,' kicking and screaming, down into the depths. And then he walked back, calm as you please, back into his monstrosity."

"I don't sail the seas no more, and there's a good reason for that. Ain't no gold nor treasure that's worth another run-in with those particular pirates."

-Anonymous retired sailor

Undead Whales
This ain't your grandma's Free Willy.
Undead whales are a surprisingly common sight in the ocean. Although many people do not believe it to be true, necromancers can die, usually of old age. In fact, their bodies break down faster than that of most people, and so it is actually quite common for them to die peacefully before their corpses are ripped to shreds by their minions.
Undead whales are usually the toughest, largest, and most non-threatening undead beings when left along. Therefore, when their creators die, the whale will often swim aimlessly around the ocean, attempting to eat plankton that comes near. They will eventually break down, as the feedings of countless parasites and tenacious bottom-feeders eat the body as the whale drifts on, seeing no reason to try and stop them.

Seeing an undead whale is an both humbling, sad, and amazing sight. Two hundred tons of dead, rotting flesh, swimming until it's body simply falls to pieces. It surfaces, although it does not need to breath, and then dives back down, leaving scraps of flesh behind it.

Sailors think they are good luck, representing freedom, and do not trouble them. The logic is that if an enormous whale managed to evade whalers for that long, and then managed to escape death itself, and outlived it's one-time master, it deserves to swim for as long as it can. This sometimes brings them into conflict with druids of the sea, who regard the whales as abominations to be snuffed out, and will go to horrendous lengths to get rid of them. Mer and devotees of the Drowned God view undead whales as curiosities, and beings to be harnessed if possible for their own ends.

Undead whales are usually created by necromancers as transportation. They are self-controlled and tireless, meaning that the mage does not have to waste labour getting minions to steer or pilot. They are also mostly waterproof, and can dive deep down underwater. If the necromancer is the only living being on board, then the whale's body will contain more than enough oxygen for them to stay under long enough to evade any would-be pursuers.

The process of creating an undead whale is long and arduous, but requires a surprisingly small amount of magic. People theorize the reason is because of the innate magic whale fat possesses.

First, a whale carcass must be obtained. Usually this is done by hiring sailors to hunt the whale, which is then towed back to land. Sometimes, a whale carcass will wash up on shore, but this is a more dangerous practice, as those have the tendency to explode in a blast of build-up gas.

Next, the carcass is cleaned. Some scrupulous or unlucky necromancers do this themselves, walking into the body of the whale and hauling out most of the fat and internal organs, to make room for inhabitants. Most use undead servants or hired labourers to do this work for them.

After, any holes or unnecessary orifices are patched up with the liberal application of tar, to prevent leaks.

Most necromancers don't like working on corpses 
themselves, but there are weirdos in every job.

Necromancer Pirates
Although pirating isn't the first thing most people associate with necromancy, many people practice both professions. Some see a certain irony in it. For all everyone fights, they are the only ones left with any money in the end.

Mostly though, it is just to make cold, hard cash. necromancers don't have to pay their totally obedient and loyal crew, and can get more any time they please.

A pirate's death for me.

They strike more fear into people's hearts than regular pirates, they lurch on, uncaring, as their bodies burn. Even as they are impaled, they simply laugh, grab their opponent in a bear hug, and attempt to throw themselves over the side. What do they have to fear? Nothing. What remains of life is sweet, and death is a release.

When a necromancer ship or whale comes on the horizon, a crew knows what it faces. Warriors with nothing to fear.

Necromancer pirates are found the world over. Although they often begin their seafaring escapades in tropical lands, many of them migrate north, to colder waters, with less sea-creatures to eat their beloved whales, and no heat to rot their other servant's flesh.

In response to this threat, the Church of the True God sent out ships, called 'Dawnbringers' to fight against necromancer pirates. They are crewed by monks, paladins, and priests, and the Dawnbringers light up the night when they attack. Every inch of the ship has been soaked in holy water at least once. Dawnbringers that have been on the ocean for a long time convert the water and rain near them into holy water, scorching undead whales and pirates alike.

There is a strange psuedo-war going on between the Dawnbringers and the pirate necromancers. The necromancers cannot send their sailors to attack the ships directly, so they sneak past. They invade their peaceful temple, raid their merchant ships, and set fire to their boats. But they never fight them. Not directly.