d20 Weird Whales

Whales are weird

Like, really really weird.

They are alien creatures, closer related to humans than to the fish they so resemble. They breath air but live in water. They have a single nostril on top of their heads that they seal off so they don't accidentally kill themselves while going about their daily business. They eat shrimp smaller than any part of their bodies. They sing underwater when they want to mate.

Hang onto your skirts, because whales are a whole lot weirder than that if you add magic into the mix.

But First, an Explanation
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, when the creatures of the world were being created, someone threw a pair of baby seals into an ocean, and that ocean just so happened to be a magical hotspot. Not much is known about exactly what happened to the seals, but suffice to say, it was dramatic, probably explosive, and created whales as we know them.

Continued exposure to the magic over thousands of years has warped whales, particularly whale oil, into a strange, magic-infused mess. Whale oil itself fetches oodles of money (oodles=1000 silver/ton, or 2000-3000 silver per whale).

Whale hunting is a common and dangerous profession. Those who practice it either make their fortune, or die trying.

Typical whale hunting gear involves nets, harpoons, and at least 1 mage.

Whales are bloody weird. Whenever you see a whale, roll on the following table.

What, you thought I would have a post about magic whales

and not include some way for them to fly?

Roll 1d20

1. The whale can fly at the same speed it can swim.
2. The whale can swim through land. Only land though, buildings will be crushed against it.
3. A permanent storm follows the whale, as strong as a hurricane.
4. The whale is over three times the size any self-respecting creature has the right to be.
5. The whale is godlike is size. Stats: good luck. At this point, you aren't picking a fight with an animal, or even a monster. You're fighting a mountain, or a medium-sized island.
6. The whale has a volcano coming out of it's back. The water near the whale is boiling hot, and a dragon lives there.
7. The whale operates on a slightly different timeline than everyone else. Every attack against it deals 1d10% of it's maximum health, while any non-damaging effect makes it's hit points 1d100% of it's maximum health (this can make it heal health or take damage). It's attacks are made from paradoxes, and mean that you are both hit and not hit at the same time. The attacks have a 75% chance to deal damage, a 24% chance to heal you, and a 1% chance to instantly heal you.
8. Absorbs people into it's body. Any creature it touches fuses with the outside of it's body if they  and their nervous systems fuse together. It has 1d4 creatures from your random encounter table already there, and can call on their knowledge
9. Smart. The whale has an intelligence comparable to a human.
10. Fast. The whale can swim at twice the normal speed, and jump 3x as high.
11. Lucky. The whale is being chased by a small army. It hasn't noticed.
12. Cult. A cult follows the whale. It has 1d20 barbarians following it around on boats, who will die for it if need be. If it has 1 cultist, the cultist is a very confused fisherman named Billy, who doesn't remember anything. 2 cultists mean Billy is joined by his equally confused wife.
13. Acidic. The whale leaks acid into the surrounding water. When it swims it leaves a trail of death behind it.
14. Invisible. The whale is invisible. Drinking it's oil will turn your innards and blood permanently invisible, and lamps that burn the oil shed an ambient light with no discernible source. PC's may be able to smear themselves with blood to turn invisible.
15. The whale is being ridden by a wizard named Shukila the Mad, who can only cast charm spells.
16. The whale is undead. 50% chance of having a necromancer and 2d10 zombies inside.
17. The whale is eldritch and alien to look at (it might look a little like a bear).
18. The whale is hairy and coloured ice-blue. It turns anyone it touches into ice. Lamps made from it's oil burn cold.
19.  The whale is nearly indestructible. It has 1,000,000 hit points.
20. The whale is Beeooooouuuuuuuaaaaaaaa, the god of whales. He has intelligence as a human, and all normal god abilities.

 

Populate this with rat-monkies or some shit like that.

Undead Whales and Pirate Necromancers

"I bin trawlin' these waters since I was a wee little scamp, even younger than you, ya grimy landlubber. I thought that nothin' could shock me. Why not? I mean, I seen it all. Eldritch horrors, tentacles coming up from the deep, and fish that could swallow a man whole. I seen a clam as big as an island, with a pearl inside it that glowed bright as the sun. I bin to an island full o' monkies that swam and hunted seals. But I ain't never seen something like that before."

"It was on us like jus' another wave, we din' even see it comin.' The ocean rose up, and a shape crashed into the hull. We looked over the side, and it was a whale. An undead whale, bone showing through in places, and it's eyes were rotting out -o- it's head. Flesh hung off of it like tattered sails of some ghost ship."

"The beast opened it's mouth, and undead charged from it's belly, all shoutin' and screamin' wit' no lungs to draw breath. I suppose inside that monster, they could jus' sit still, waitin' fer it to find their prey for 'em. But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was what came after. A man, a normal lookin' man, with robes like a mage. He pointed out a few of our men, includin' the captain and the undead dragged em,' kicking and screaming, down into the depths. And then he walked back, calm as you please, back into his monstrosity."

"I don't sail the seas no more, and there's a good reason for that. Ain't no gold nor treasure that's worth another run-in with those particular pirates."

-Anonymous retired sailor

Undead Whales

This ain't your grandma's Free Willy.

Undead whales are a surprisingly common sight in the ocean. Although many people do not believe it to be true, necromancers can die, usually of old age. In fact, their bodies break down faster than that of most people, and so it is actually quite common for them to die peacefully before their corpses are ripped to shreds by their minions.

Undead whales are usually the toughest, largest, and most non-threatening undead beings when left along. Therefore, when their creators die, the whale will often swim aimlessly around the ocean, attempting to eat plankton that comes near. They will eventually break down, as the feedings of countless parasites and tenacious bottom-feeders eat the body as the whale drifts on, seeing no reason to try and stop them.

Seeing an undead whale is an both humbling, sad, and amazing sight. Two hundred tons of dead, rotting flesh, swimming until it's body simply falls to pieces. It surfaces, although it does not need to breath, and then dives back down, leaving scraps of flesh behind it.

Sailors think they are good luck, representing freedom, and do not trouble them. The logic is that if an enormous whale managed to evade whalers for that long, and then managed to escape death itself, and outlived it's one-time master, it deserves to swim for as long as it can. This sometimes brings them into conflict with druids of the sea, who regard the whales as abominations to be snuffed out, and will go to horrendous lengths to get rid of them. Mer and devotees of the Drowned God view undead whales as curiosities, and beings to be harnessed if possible for their own ends.

Undead whales are usually created by necromancers as transportation. They are self-controlled and tireless, meaning that the mage does not have to waste labour getting minions to steer or pilot. They are also mostly waterproof, and can dive deep down underwater. If the necromancer is the only living being on board, then the whale's body will contain more than enough oxygen for them to stay under long enough to evade any would-be pursuers.

The process of creating an undead whale is long and arduous, but requires a surprisingly small amount of magic. People theorize the reason is because of the innate magic whale fat possesses.

First, a whale carcass must be obtained. Usually this is done by hiring sailors to hunt the whale, which is then towed back to land. Sometimes, a whale carcass will wash up on shore, but this is a more dangerous practice, as those have the tendency to explode in a blast of build-up gas.

Next, the carcass is cleaned. Some scrupulous or unlucky necromancers do this themselves, walking into the body of the whale and hauling out most of the fat and internal organs, to make room for inhabitants. Most use undead servants or hired labourers to do this work for them.

After, any holes or unnecessary orifices are patched up with the liberal application of tar, to prevent leaks.

Most necromancers don't like working on corpses 

themselves, but there are weirdos in every job.

Necromancer Pirates

Although pirating isn't the first thing most people associate with necromancy, many people practice both professions. Some see a certain irony in it. For all everyone fights, they are the only ones left with any money in the end.

Mostly though, it is just to make cold, hard cash. necromancers don't have to pay their totally obedient and loyal crew, and can get more any time they please.

A pirate's death for me.

They strike more fear into people's hearts than regular pirates, they lurch on, uncaring, as their bodies burn. Even as they are impaled, they simply laugh, grab their opponent in a bear hug, and attempt to throw themselves over the side. What do they have to fear? Nothing. What remains of life is sweet, and death is a release.

When a necromancer ship or whale comes on the horizon, a crew knows what it faces. Warriors with nothing to fear.

Necromancer pirates are found the world over. Although they often begin their seafaring escapades in tropical lands, many of them migrate north, to colder waters, with less sea-creatures to eat their beloved whales, and no heat to rot their other servant's flesh.

In response to this threat, the Church of the True God sent out ships, called 'Dawnbringers' to fight against necromancer pirates. They are crewed by monks, paladins, and priests, and the Dawnbringers light up the night when they attack. Every inch of the ship has been soaked in holy water at least once. Dawnbringers that have been on the ocean for a long time convert the water and rain near them into holy water, scorching undead whales and pirates alike.

There is a strange psuedo-war going on between the Dawnbringers and the pirate necromancers. The necromancers cannot send their sailors to attack the ships directly, so they sneak past. They invade their peaceful temple, raid their merchant ships, and set fire to their boats. But they never fight them. Not directly.